New Year

We happily survived the twin's first birthday, Christmas and New Year celebrations - I didn't freak out, the babies were behaving wonderfully, I managed to buy presents, I even MADE a present for my sister....and Iam happy I had the time. I created a calender for 2010 for her using photos of my babies. A good time to remember all that happened in 2009 ...

Well, things started end of 2005 when after 8 years of marriage I still wasn't pregnant and no obvious reason for it so we decided to do something about it. Before we had talked about having children but somehow we did not take any action. I was frustrated and noticed I avoided happy families and everything that had to do with babies, pregnancy....it*s kind of difficult to describe the feeling, it was a mixture of resentment, envy and aggression I had to hide as best as I could.
My husband an I talked things over but but were a bit shy to take the first step for years, Each of us was afraid that the result would be bad, meaning no chance to get pregnant at all. I started thinking about adoption and foster children and we decided if we adopted a child it should be from an East European country, preferably Russia.

Finally, we managed to make an appointment at a fertility clinic and tests showed that from my side everything was allright - for my husband it was a shock that his sperm quality was really bad. I had not realized that it kind of shell-shocked him because he did not want to talk about it and he did not want to take a second spermiogram. He even told me once he was sure I would get pregnant if we had sex at certain times and not too often so he could "save" his sperms.
I pushed him for nearly two years to get this second spermiogram done, finally, I more or less forced him into it. Time was pressing hard, I was 39 already and I felt time was running out. I had doubts I could manage pregnancy well with over 40 and I was afraid of a not healthy baby due to my advanced age.

I started treatment in the beginning of 2008. The heavy doses of hormone made me tired but otherwise I didn't feel any different. I didn't put too high hopes in all these treatments, being a sceptic person. Too high expectations could have ended in a huge and maybe not manageable disappointment and I wanted to save myself from this experience. I said to myself, if it's God's intention to make me pregnant, He will. He never made the things I wanted very much easy for me I was prepared that I had to go a longer way than most others to get pregnant.
Well, I had to give myself hormone injections, which was freaky I thought at first but I soon got used to it. I was determined to do my best to make it work - but I had my doubts when I had to inject myself once with a really big fat needle. All my life I had been afraid of injections - and now this ....The second round of treatment was successful and I produced enough eggs for and IVF, like a dutiful chicken.
On April 22, 2008 I had my operation, on 27th 2 eggs were implanted. 2 weeks later I knew I was pregnant and we were overwhelmed. We walked out of the clinic in a daze. I could not hold back my tears, I cried until we were sitting back in the car and my husband had made phone calls to his mother and in-laws.
I can't remember exactly when it was sure that we were going to have twins. The doctors had said that in most cases only 1 fetus survives, but in my base both "stuck" and stayed.
Very soon I got a tearing pain in my lower abdomen and then I started to feel really sick. I went on sick leave and was on early maternity leave from June 25th. I already had been in hospital at the beginning of June - I was so throwing up every 15 minutes, I could not even drink water. After 2 days I was so dehydrated I started feeling funny. We went to the hospital which ws near our apartment, an old building with pavillons in a park where you could thake walks. I had to stay there for one week, just for infusions and for eating again, Medication helped to keep food inside me but I started being constantly sick as soon as I was back home again.